Sally Harrington

SALLY HARRINGTON 17-12-07

Not a great deal happens here at crimbo, apart from marathon drinking and so called 'Dinner Dances', more like The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral. We went to one last week.....the usual ageing DJ, complete with nylon shirt avec yellow sweat patches, black pegs, sweaty upper lip, faint smell of urine wafting with an undercurrant of cowshit curtesy of the wellies he didn't bother changing. As if thats not bad enough he wears a god awful wig which is also going bald! you would think the fact that everyone calls him 'patch' to his face would filter through....but no

I must tell you about a very odd experience I had recently.......

My back gave out as it is prone to do from time to time. That evening I sneezed and collapsed. Long story short.....Next morning I was taken to Cork Hospital by ambulance. This is what occurred.

A two hour journey over the 'Cuosane Gap' the quick, rough road....arrived at the hospital at 10am. where I was duly parked in A&E (which actually resembled the UN on acid) I was then put into one of those backless gowns (needless to say it had no ties) WHY?? Humiliation purposes? To stop you running away?

I was placed between a really old lady to my right who was seemingly talking in tongues, Aramaic, I think. It transpires she had been lying on her kitchen floor all night with a broken hip!. To my left, a young girl, I think, I could only see her arse hanging out of the 'gown of shame' and it looked female. She was a drug overdose.

So, you get the picture, the three of us, Freeman, Hardy and Willis lined up on trollies, waiting........
My two companians proved to be poor conversationalists, but what they lacked in genial convo, they made up for with the DT's and moaning.......

Several hours later (5, to be precise about it) a man, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing a white coat....approached MY trolly!! 'hello, I'm Doctor Mengele '(or some such) he then proceeded to stick his finger up my arse!!!!!!!! (and before you ask, no I don't remember if he wore a glove)

MMMmmmmm I thought, must be some kind of a test?....................

By 8pm (still on trolly) with a bladder like an ice bucket and ready to KILL for a fag, and still no MEDICAL attention, I managed to reach my mobile and call Liam.

By 10pm he had arrived and managed to man handle me into the car (strangely enough this manoeuvre seemed to help no end?) Lying in the back of the now, smoke filled car, I vowed never to go near a hospital again unless my fucking head was hanging off!!

I haven't told Liam about Dr Who yet as I'm still pondering what happened. He could have been a doctor, then again, he could have been a complete nutter off the street...........Oh sweet mystery of life..........

Hopefully, this christmas will be better than last for you (couldn't be worse)

The Seasons Greetings to you both,

All Love,
SalXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Righty O,

I wait expectantly.........
I have been seeing strange men that normally never leave the environs of the village from my window for the past week?? They have wild eyes, facial tics, legs jumping like jack hammers. Some have flea bitten tripe hounds (dogs) on pieces of string that look as though they need sun glasses as it has been so long since they were let out of whatever shed they were kept in since christmas day. Squirrel

I had been musing as to why they are doing this as the only other time this occurs is Good Friday and Christmas day (the two days in the year that the pubs close). Then it came to me.... It's that time of year again.....The Lenten Package as I call it! The poor sods swear off the drink for Lent. Needless to say most do not make it, still, It's quite entertaining to watch.

Some months ago Banjo found an injured baby red squirrel down the river, which Liam brought home. I thought it would die that night, but Liam stayed up all night feeding it milk and it was still alive next day. It's tail was mangled and it was alive with lice and maggots! I cut part of the tail off, washed Squiggly in dettol (thought that would kill it) and waited.....
Several weeks later, specially made outdoor cage and Squiggly was not only fighting fit but a fully fledged member of the growing menagerie. You could handle him fine and even kiss him!! no problem. The only problem being Liams reluctance to set him free.

At my insistance he eventually agreed. Liam placed him on a hazelnut tree in the garden..... He ran up the branch then straight back onto Liam. I gave Liam a weeks reprieve.

A week later, Liam's brother John was here. The day and the hour arrived. Liam said he would bring Squiggly in to say goodbye. Big mistake. Squig was used to us but not John or his voice. As soon as Liam came in with him John let out a very loud AAaahhhhh. Squiggly immediately bit Liam several times (I never realised men could scream just like women) he couldn't let him go, as we would never catch him again. Sqig kept biting, Liam kept screaming but holding on to the now named 'evil squirrel' there was blood pissing everywhere and Liam screaming 'get something to put him in' As I was hanging on the door breaking my arse laughing this took me a little while. Eventually Squig was safely enclosed in the bread bin.

Liam decided to put Squig's cage on the roof of the garage and leave the door open.......After about 30 mins Squig left the cage and jumped on to an overhanging branch, ran up then down again, looked at Liam with an expression that was part fear, part regret and part 'we'll always have Paris' and disappeared into the trees........
My friend Ann from Camden is arriving on the 8.30 bus tonight so I must start opening the Merlot to warm by the fire.

Hope you are all whatever,

all love,

Daktari

PS The daughter is on the run up to finals, realises what crap tutors she has had for animation, and I was wondering if you would consider having her over for a week at the end of the summerish to give her a crash course on Flash. She may never use it but feels she should know more than she does. Feel free to say NAAAaaahhhhhh!!! and I will start making voodoo doll.
BYEEeeeeeeee